Taking the Defensive...

Fromm believes in the objective. The idea that love is more than one emotion, but that in fact it is a lifestyle. This idea is not easy to grasp right away for a number of reasons, but the main reason I believe it is so hard to connect with is because we have a hard time multitasking our own emotions on a daily basis. Being objective in life is sort of like being the referee in a never ending game that keeps changing it's rules. With the world in constant motion, it is only natural for us to want to grab on to any constancy we can and stick with it. However, this can be dangerous because then we keep ourselves rooted firmly to our ideals while the world rotates further into the future.

I am a painting major. As an artist I can truthfully say that we have a hard time convincing some people that what we do and strive for has relevance to the community as a whole. Art can take many different forms and practices, and I chose one of the most classical forms of expression. I love to paint, and my style has changed over the years as I learn and grow as a person. My work has gone from realism to abstract expressionism and everything in between. I studied abroad in Italy last year where I attended an Italian academy for art, and my whole outlook was changed again. When I returned home with some rather different styles of work that I had ever done before, some people were confused. My mother had a friend visiting who was admiring some of my earlier portraiture pieces versus my abstract expression series with a very confused demeanor. She could not "grasp" the concept of the latter. She wanted me to be able to stand there and tell her exactly what to think about my work, which is something I refuse to do. I firmly believe that art (paintings specifically) is not something you need to understand or dissect, but rather something to consider and be able to relate to. I have no problem with people not liking my work because the difference in opinion is what makes art unique. When I expressed this to my mothers friend, she took my explanation as meaning that my work had no meaning and she failed to see any relevance in what I had produced. She wanted me to tell her a story about the colors, composition, and movement of the piece. I wanted her to be able to tell me what she felt when she looked at it whether they were positive feelings or negative feelings. The conversation became heated, I was getting upset because she started to truly insult my choice of career path and she was getting upset because I could not provide her with what she needed to understand my work.

Needless to say, we left the debate unfinished. I learned a valuable lesson from this experience with her though, I had failed as an advocate for my work. I was the only one playing on my team, when I should have been trying to recruit. It should have been my job to help her see things my way by trying to see things her way. I never even considered her confusion, I just tried to shove my reasoning down her throat. It was not a mystery to me later why she couldn't understand my work, she couldn't understand where I was coming from because I was not explaining it to her. This does not mean that my ideals have to change, it just means that making my point needs to go hand in hand with where the other person is coming from. I am not saying that this woman would have loved my work if she was able to understand what I was trying to get her to do on her own, but it does mean she would have had the chance.

Fromm says that objectivity is the most important part of love. I believe that this is true. It is the big picture and the small picture at the same time. Being able to be open minded is the hardest part of any relationship, but it is what is needed to make it work.